It's Not Cheating It's....

Mom guiltism #7: I stack the deck when playing Candyland.

It isn't really cheating. I mean cheating would imply that I was trying to win the game. I am usually NOT stacking the deck of colored cards to win. It is generally done to limit the length of the game. Caden likes to play Candyland right before bedtime. That means the game needs to be short and sweet. If you have played Candyland, you know that the game can take forever, especially if only two people are playing and one of them is a 3 year old.

The first time we played, Caden kept getting frustrated because the stack of cards would fall over as he tried to take one off the top of the deck. So, we agreed that I would hand out the cards. I would pull the top card and hand it to him, then repeat for me for my turn. After we were close to the end and each were sent back towards the beginning of the board thanks to a peppermint and gum drop card I decided that I needed to monitor the cards. Candyland should be a 3 to 5 minute game, not a 15 minute game.

I now carefully pull "double" color cards and only candy cards that are still above us on the game board. Caden generally wins, but sometime I win just so he learns how to deal with a little disappointment.

I confessed this to a friend and she informed me the threw away the candy cards from the beginning of the board so no one would be sent that far back. Smart girl!

To Explain or not to Explain

Mom guiltism #6: Sometimes I just agree with an incorrect statement out of my child just so I don't have to explain.

For example, Caden asked where I got his new shoes.

Me: I got them at Kohl's.
Caden: Is that where you got my flip-flops?
Me: No, those came from Old Navy.
Caden: So did you go to the mall? So you could get my shoes at Kohl's and my flip-flops from, what was the other name?
Me: "Old Navy?"
Caden: Yeah...Old Navy?



Now...I could've taken the time to explain to Caden that neither of those stores are at the mall nor are they exactly close to each other. I could've also explained to him that the two pairs of shoes were purchased on separate days--months apart. But at 6:45 in the morning, it seemed like a lot of effort for really no purpose. I am not even sure why Caden asked where his shoes came from. So, since it was not vital information that really did not impact his life in any way....



Yes, Caden. I went to the mall and got your shoes and flip-flops.

Second Baby Syndrome

Mom guiltism #5: I am much more lax about things with my second child...

I sometimes feel guilty for how I do things with my second child as compared to my first. With Caden, I was so terrified of doing the "wrong" thing. Being a new mom creates Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Things get cleaned and sterilized even if they don't need it. Clothes are removed quickly if a speck of dirt appears. Diapers are changed frequently even if not really needed and the day's schedule revolves completely around the baby.
Then, the second baby comes. You realize that maybe you were a little overprotective with the first. You managed to get through the infant stage with one baby without causing any serious, lasting issues. Your OCD recedes a little. Things are different.

For example:

• Now if a pacifier falls on the ground, a quick wipe on the shirt will make it clean enough.
• Now if Zane wants to suck on chalk, even after I say, "NO! Yucky"...then enjoy!
• I used to wash the highchair cover a couple of times a month with Caden--not sure I have washed it yet for Zane...
• There is already too much laundry--if you get dirty, you will be dusted off. As long as your hands are clean, we are good!
• Zane has been forced to be more flexible than Caden ever was.
• Diaper changes...when we have to :-)

Poor Zane. Not quite as spoiled as the first baby. But, he seems to be doing just fine!

It's All About Me--Occasionally

Mom guiltism #4: I fully believe in ME time.

ME time is very often accompanied by mom guilt. Any time that is spent away from your kids can make you feel bad. Especially if it is not time spent at say, work. (For the record, I do NOT consider work "ME" time.) If you feel guilty working, and work is necessary, then how guilty do you feel if you are not with your kids and are not doing something that is really necessary?!

I do think it is necessary, however. ME time is so important for Mom's sanity. Or the pretense of sanity anyway. I explained before that my kids go to my in-laws on Sunday afternoons. I get ME time. Sometimes that time involves meeting a girlfriend for lunch. Sometimes it means doing 6 loads of laundry. Sometimes it is me sitting on the couch getting sucked into episode after episode of 48 Hours: Hard Evidence on Investigate Discovery. I love Sunday afternoons.

I will be honest and admit that there are times that I get off work early and leave my kids at daycare for a while. There are days that I go into work later in the day, but still take the kids to daycare in the morning. Today I was supposed to work late, so my MIL was picking up the kids at school to watch them until Jim and I got off work. However, my schedule ended up getting switched. I didn't want Caden to be disappointed and cancel Grandma, so I let Grandma pick them up as planned and I had a couple hours to myself. My 3 extra hours involved 2 episodes of CSI along with balancing the bank account, paying bills, and sorting mail. I then ran to the grocery store to get milk, bread, chocolate syrup, and diapers. You know...the important things. So, my ME time was not exactly idle time, but grocery shopping without the kiddos is so much easier. And watching CSI is so much more enjoyable than Yo Gabba Gabba.

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, It's off to work we go...

Mom guiltism #3: I WORK!

Yes, I do work. Outside the home. And I rely on other people to help with the day to day care of my kids.

I was very lucky when Caden was born. I was able to work part time and my Mom was a willing baby-sitter. So, if Jim and I both had to work, Caden was with Nana. It was such a relief, especially as a first time mom, to know that if I couldn't be with Caden if was a family member who was. It made me feel a little less guilty to go back to work.

After having Zane, money got a little tight..our budget dictated that I needed to work more hours. So, back to work I went. And since I was working many more hours and my Mom was going to have surgery, the kids had to go to daycare. Caden had never been in daycare before and my baby was only six months old. It was a heart-wrenching decision to put my kids in daycare. I know. People do it all the time. But it was a new experience for us. It made the mom-guilt overwhelm me.

We were able to find a daycare that was perfect for us. The teachers there really feel like partners in raising my kids instead of strangers that I am hoping won't scar them for life. We have such positive experiences and the growth we have seen in both of the kids is amazing.

My kids go to daycare four days a week. I will start a new job next month that is 5 days a week and may require them to go full time. The guilt is rushing up again, but I can push it back a little knowing that my new job will allow me to be home EVERY night. It is less money, but nothing can replace the time with my kids. See, I love my kids. Even if I have to work.

Stop the Profanity

Mom guiltism #2: I curse in front of my children.

I try not to use profanity--especially in front of my kids. There is the occasional stubbed toe that warrants the use of a curse word, but for the most part I keep my language clean. Apparently not all the time, though...

My kids generally spend Sunday afternoon with my in-laws. It is a great time for them and a great break for me. (YES, I like time to myself...but that is a whole different post...) So, after church last Sunday, I took them to the grandparents house. I was hanging out for a little bit chatting and making sure everyone was settled in. I have no idea what Zane did, but I heard Caden say, "Dammit, Zane!"

I was mortified. Why oh why did he have to say that now? Bad enough for him to say it at all, but in front on my in-laws?!

"Caden!" I scolded sharply...."I told you not to say that!"

Yes, this was the second time I had heard him say it...and the funny thing is both times it was followed by his brother's name. Coincidence? I don't think so. From the recesses of my mind (which is mostly gone, by the way) I seem to remember a day when Zane was sick and fussy and I was at the end of my rope. I picked Zane up to comfort him and he dropped his pacifier. I picked it up and somehow he dropped it again. I said, "Dammit, Zane" because he is a little heavy to be picking things up off the floor while holding him. So, since I said Zane's name after it, I believe Caden thinks it is a phrase.

Reminded me of good ol' Bill Cosby:
It was because of my father that from the ages of seven to fifteen, that I thought my name was Jesus Christ and my brother, Russell, thought his name was Dammit. "Dammit, will you stop that noise" and "Jesus Christ, sit down!" One day I'm out playing in the rain and my father yelled, "Dammit will you get back in here!" I said, "Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!"

Oh...the things we do to our kids! :-)

Naptime!

Mom guiltism #1: Nap time is my favorite time of day.

So there you have it...my first confession. Go ahead, gasp. But if you stop to think about it, maybe it isn't as bad as it sounds? Should I feel guilty?

Guilt:
a. the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously
b. feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy.

Is my feeling of relief when it finally hits nap time a real offense or just an imagined one?

I love spending time with my kids. Really I do. They are so much fun. But they are EXHAUSTING! At the ages of 1 and 3 they do not do much for themselves. So if they are nonstop from the time they wake up, then I am nonstop, too! Just as much as they need a nap to recharge, I need some downtime, too. And the silence. The stillness. Where all I can here is the tapping of the keys on my computer as I harvest my crops in Farmville.